.letting go

2008-03-16T22:32:00.001-07:00

my eyelids heavy
my heart full

2008-02-21T23:41:00.001-08:00

Sleepless.

I can't sleep. I keep listening to my show.
I get like this when I make something new. I can't put it down. I can't stop staring. I can't stop listening.
I am glad that new mothers are allowed to hold their children all the time.

I will hate myself in three hours when I am supposed to wake up.
I don't have my scripts for tomorrow.

It's the end of reading week, and I haven't noticed its passing. Class is a small part of my life. The essays are looming, however.

There's a burn on my hand. An angry looking reddish brown bite, between my thumb and finger. I was roasting vegetables for a sauce at home, and I touched the element inside the oven.

There's a burn on my heart. On the place where I've ceased to listen.

2008-01-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

buttereggsmeat.

I'm sitting in the cafe. I am busily contemplating my life.
What am I going to be when I grow up guys? I dream of being a wanderer. A life-barista. A Preacher. A youth worker. A musician.

I guess the open options blow my mind. It's strange that after years of post secondary, I really haven't specialized (or pigeon-holed myself) in to much of anything. The only specialized skill set I have relates to espresso, and even that skill set isn't all that special yet. Pulling shots is not rocket science. It just requires care.

I've taken a few days off this week. It's done me some good.

2008-01-21T17:16:00.000-08:00

And while she's straightening her stockings, her hair has gotten wet.

I'm sitting at Dahn's place. We're both on laptops.
I am cutting a class I really should be at.
At the moment I sincerely dislike school. Everybody says it's just the third year itch, and that I should do what I desperately want to do. Scratch.
That is to say, drop out.

I'm doing everything in excess. I hate it a little. I'm tired a lot.

In other news, I'm falling for someone.
It is unexpected
and lovely.

2008-01-02T12:10:00.000-08:00

quiet house. noisy head.

Thinking about stuff.
I'm cleaning my place, which looks like it was hit by a beer-bottle, cigarette, pizza-box tornado. (Note to self, an "anti-New Years gathering" is STILL a party...)

I'm tired. I'm hoping to restore a modicum of order to the space and then maybe crash for a couple of hours before tonight's hot date. I hope it's great. I'm supposed to be making the plans, but I'm at a bit of a loss for ideas... I mean, is dinner and a movie TOO cliche to even think about attempting?
Seriously, romantic planning is not my forte. I just want to buy flowers and drink smoothies.

Maybe I could cook dinner and make romantic smoothies?
Smoothies made of flowers?
I need a manual.

Dudes?
WHERE IS MY MANUAL!?

2007-12-29T09:53:00.000-08:00

green with.

I'm sitting at my computer, debating on whether I should go out or stay here and sleep. If I go out I shop. If I stay here I sleep.

I could stand to do both. I got a bit of Christmas money that I could quite practically spend on food and clothing, maybe a new book. Mmmm. Food.

Who am I kidding, I did little other than eat between the twenty fourth and the twenty eighth, I'm looking forward to eating a little normal food. Like a roti and a cappuccino maybe.

Oh cappuccino. If I go to work I imagine that I'll see Steve looking like a marooned sailor who just saw his lifeboat. Maybe this is self-aggrandising, but the poor guy has worked three days of doubles. I owe him one.

Dahn and Jesse are off to Toronto to visit Z/s. I am working. Tant pis.

On the other hand my brother got me a big black apron for Christmas, which has my name stitched into it, and the words "Queen Barista" stitched in beneath that. It's pretty cute. I'm looking forward to wearing this lovely apron to work tonight.

It's decided. I'm going out. I think I only feel tired because I fell asleep in my chair last night. Chair does not equal Bed. But I should be okay to seize the day here.
Much loves.

2007-12-26T22:04:00.000-08:00

out of town

this is a quick post.

My cousins are everywhere. It's one in the morning. No one is going to bed. I've had too much wine and too many cigarettes.

I love my family. They are so much. So much.

I am typing on my (brand new!) laptop. My computer whiz uncle got it set up for me. The screen is the size of Missouri.

My cousins are making various flash animations of stick people getting violently maimed. My parents, aunts and uncles and my sister are drinking in the kitchen. My brother is playing guitar hero with another cousin.

I will post more later. I will.
Strangely, I miss you.

2007-12-10T20:01:00.000-08:00

sweet like toothache pain.

I had the day off. I spent it slothfully. I wasn't dressed until ten to five. I finished a book. I went to dinner. I popped into work and made a few lattes for fun.

I moved my floor fan into my cloffice. I keep thinking it's a person. A lot. This conversation keeps happening:

Me: "Aaaaaaah!"
Fan: " ..."

Twenty minutes later

Me: "Auuugh!"
Fan: "..."

And so on. Rinse Repeat. You get it. I get scared by inanimate objects so easily.
I am really awake right now. Normally at eleven thirty these days I'm seriously on the wind down. This isn't the summer. I am not superman. If I'm at work at seven twenty, I want to be in bed shortly after midnight. Thankfully I work the evening shift tomorrow. So I have a little buffer for my sloth-induced wakefulness.

What have I been thinking about?

Hearts and heartbreak. The heart as an organ. The heart as an emotional and spiritual site. Heartbeats as sound.

I've been thinking a lot about running away. I guess I always get swept up in ideas of escape and adventure (I was the kid who wanted to join the circus). Lately I think I'll just buy a vespa, wait till the snow melts and just screw off somewhere. This is unlikely. I like my life here. I feel a responsibility to the community I've made myself a part of.

Jesus. I miss the man. I have to find a way to make him part of my life again. I just don't really know how to do it in a genuine way. I resent the term backsliding. It's an infantile term. I dont think I've backslidden. I think God and I have hit a period of silence in an ongoing relationship. I would like to have words between us again.

2007-12-01T13:12:00.000-08:00

the parade. the lattes. the tired bones.

There's a parade going on outside my window. Again.
I'm wondering if I should start selling tickets to sit in my window. It's minus twelve outside. Cold enough so that the kids are yelling "TOO COLD! TOO COLD MUMMAAAY!".

I'm tempted to jaunt back over to work to see if they need me. I suspect that if I go they'll need me, and if I don't they'll live without me. They've got a capable crew on deck.

My apartment is quiet and clean. I've been appreciating this a lot this week. I cleaned on Monday. I've been washing every fork and plate and chopstick I dirty, for fear that if I let two forks accumulate, they'll have forkbabies in my sink and I'll have a sink full of dirty dishes the next time I turn around.

I am vigilant!

2007-11-15T12:45:00.000-08:00

Hardly working.

I'm at the radio, looking over old blog posts and holding down the fort. I'm not working very hard right now, but I'm okay with that for the moment. I need to do some titchy little editing jobs and make sure the place doesn't burn down.

I got about four hours of sleep last night after an extended session of post graduate lecture drinking with z/s and about twenty others. I audibly groaned when the alarm rang at ten to seven. I chased away the possibility of a hangover with about a litre and a half of water. Dahn was less lucky, he's been keeping a trainwreck of a migraine at bay for the past week. It caught up with him.

I've made an appointment for new tattoos next week. This'll be the beginnings of the sleeve on my left arm. I have such plans. The appointment is four hours, I'll have a lot of ink by the end of it. I think I'm ready. The parents are going to cry. They always do.
Expect photos by next friday.

Later loves. I really need to make a promo or three.

2007-11-06T20:27:00.000-08:00

an opening. a wound.

I'm about to sleep.
Today was a bit of a wierd day. I'm still getting used to the time change, which is always rough in the fall. It's dark at about five thirty, soon it will be dark at five or so. Pitch black night dark. Honestly. It tempts me to wind down much earlier. I didn't leave my building (save to seek out a bottle of wine) after I got home from school.

The best part about summer is being able to loiter outside. It's cheaper than coffeeshops and less claustrophobic than home. Winter is long, and it seems like a long night.

Working on creative pursuits. My cupboards have a strange collage of paper faeries growing on them.

2007-11-05T08:47:00.000-08:00

It's still morning.

Ahhhh, the return to sloth. Feels good. I slept for thirteen hours. I went to bed before ten. I woke up at six all perky and stuff. I read for a bit and figured that six was a boring time if you couldn't go grab a cappuccino. So I went back to sleep.

I sort of wish I hadn't. A wholesome eight hours with an early wake up would've felt good. Whatever, I was tired.

I cried for an hour yesterday. Tried to talk myself through it. Eventually became snotty and incoherent enough so I couldn't. Mostly just sobbed.

Had the oddest dreams last night.
Dreamed that I was riding a motorcycle through my elementary school where there was a war outside. The kids had no idea that they shouldn't stand near the windows. Two were shot. I was chewing on a stick of candy, trying to hide the fact that I'd killed someone two hours earlier. Eventually convinced myself that I couldn't be prosecuted because it hadn't actually happened. I knew this to be true, but didn't connect the fact that it hadn't happened with the fact that I was dreaming. D/n gave me a ring made of glass. It fit, but the glass was thick. It was the same colour as my stick of candy which had turned into a glass straw. D/n spoke in tongues about the gift, I could understand him in the dream, but I can't remember what was said now.

Getting a coffee. Then to the radio.

2007-11-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

love will ya marry me?

I slept in. I think mornings are becoming more precious to me. You get stuff done!
Now I need to get stuff done faster.

My productivity this week is fantastic, I'm actually running my errands in a timely fashion!
I took my cat to the vet!
I got a paper in on time! I got an assignment in on time!

I've been getting up before the sun! Mostly!
So today I pay rent and bills and send out my OSAP.
I also need to clean my apartment (horrors!) because I have a guest tomorrow night who's staying at my place through the couchsurfing network.

To the door! I have things to do!

2007-10-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

Nobody said.

Just got in from the radio.
I ended up working an extra hour and a half tonight for Steve.
A coworker didn't show up for her shift. I felt bad for said coworker, she's been doing pretty well, but she'd been trying to swap away this shift all day. And when she couldnt swap it, she forgot to show up. Yikes, kids. Don't do that!

So I showed up for a cappuccino and ended up behind the counter. Somehow at Natas this is fine for me, whereas at the Spill it was annoying as all hell.

I worked all morning and slept all afternoon. Woke up feeling lonely. Hate that. Stopped in on the boys, but they were feeling particularly madly in love with each other, so I went home. Then I went to work again.

And now, post-radio, I am awake. Five-hour midday naps do not bode well for decent bedtimes. I figure it's worth a shot though.

2007-10-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

Shoe in.

Good god, my feet are killing me.

I always think I can manage a day at the cafe in cute shoes.
It's a lie, a dirty-no-good lie. The best I can pull off is a pair of Converse sneakers... other than that it's just a pair of frumpy cross trainers.

Today's shoe culprit? The ever-so-cute Doc Marten mary janes. Mary Jane, she'll get you every time.
Sunday's culprit? The innocent on the outside, evil on the inside, teeny polkadot flats. Guh.

On the other hand, pain is pretty ladies!

Early-ish shift today. 7:00 to 3:00 allllllll by my lonesome on that gorgeous espresso machine. I can get up early for that Elektra machine. Yes sir I can.

I've got to post some pics of my cappucinos, they're looking pretty sweet these days.

2007-10-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

the laziest of sundays.

I feel like I had a sabbath today.
I slept through church. This is my first sunday off in two months.
I have work to do. But I don't want to spoil the do-nothing bliss I had today. I just read a book in Dahn's apartment all day. Finished it too.

Our apartments are cold now.

The sudden drop in temperature is easily felt in lofts with huge and ancient windows. I'm layered and wearing a toque and finger-gloves.

I should put in some hours on the 'zine for Trent Radio. I'll probably do it next door. Sometimes I just want to be in the presence of others. Doing my own thing, but in the warmth of people who like me. Regardless of the scarves and sweaters we're wrapped in against the cold. My fireplace works, but I've been reluctant to keep it on. It makes my apartment dry and sort of smoky from burning dust. The fireplace at Dahn and Jesse's doesn't work. It'll be a cold winter over there. Their apartment is twice the size of mine, with twice the windows. Even when the fireplace works, the apartment is cold in winter.

Oh winter. It's coming.

2007-10-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

how did I do that in grade four?

When I was in grade four I didn't have friends, I had books.

This has to be the story of many a former awkward-kid-turned-smart-adult. The thing that hit me as I walked into my apartment tonight is this: when I was ten years old, I couldn't give a rats ass.

Sure, I knew that most kids played outside with other kids. I was just blissfully apathetic to my seclusion. My tonic for loneliness was George's Marvelous Medicine. My personal universe was an odd cross between Narnia and the Secret Garden. I read back-issues of the New Yorker for shits.

Today I killed the evening at the cafe, reading books by myself.
But, unlike my gradeschool self, I kept glancing over my shoulder waiting for a friend to show. When I went home it was dark, and I felt lonely. If I spend an evening alone these days, I find myself feeling like the last person on earth.

It's a tiny, terrified sort of feeling. Like the whole world ended while I was sleeping, and I've woken up to abandoned cars in a silent city.

My disproportionate fragility at twenty one reminds me of some puppies I've known.
Puppies can't handle it when they're left alone, because they have no concept of a return. They just think you're going to walk out the door and never come back.

I'd much rather be like my cat.
He gives a cursory glance at me when I walk through the door as if to say "you again?" then sidles up to me when he feels like it.

My cat and my ten-year-old self would get along fine.

2007-10-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

No sleep. Go for days without sleep.

(this picture intrigues me)

Gah. The busy life is getting me down, kids. The Silverbean closes for the season this Sunday, and I have to say that I'm not sad about it. I've put in a lot of time there this summer, and I'll be happy for a change of scene.

Speaking of changes of scene: new jobs!
Job the first: I am the Assistant to the program coordinator at Trent Radio. In laymans terms, I am Laurel Paluck's lackey. I'll put in about ten hours a week at the sweet radio station. I have to produce a zine by next week. God help me, I'm horrid with deadlines.

Job the second: I'm being hired as a barista at Natas Cafe. This is a scary idea. "Barista" at Natas is a whole different job description. I would have a higher rate of pay than the counter girls (and boys) with my main responsibility being making drinks. I would also be responsible for training one or two elite counter-kids on the machine, bit by bit. The shiny Electra espresso machine would be my baby, and the only people allowed to touch it would be me and Steve, the owner.
I'm freaked out. I told the truth to my bosses about my availability, skills and experience. but they think I'm awesome. I'm terrified of disappointing them by not being as awesome as they think I am. My friends think I'm ridiculous, after all this is a great job. The kind of job I've been gunning for since I left British Columbia. I'm just scared that I wont have the skills I need.

I'm not scared of failure until it's something that matters to me. Then I'm terrified of failure.

All the same, scared or not I start tomorrow night.

Goodnight friends, all made of glass. I need to sleep.

2007-09-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

a threat and a promise, sealed with Comet!

Shannon and I cleaned my apartment a week and a half ago.
It's messy again.
I have the day off tomorrow before class.
If I haven't cleaned this godforsaken apartment (again!) by the time I catch a bus to class tomorrow, please beat me senseless with the wet end of a mop.

kthxbye

2007-08-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Folk Fest comes but once a year.

Oh Folk Festival, You come so rarely. For the non-locals, The Peterborough Folk Festival is a magical time of year in this city, in the same league as Arts Week, but more enchanted and more joyfully anticipated.

This year I have the pleasure of being in the Folk Festival, strangely enough not by playing my music, which definitely falls under a folk category, but by facilitating a noise workshop with Dahn and a guy named Wayne, along with other local noise boys. Notably I dont have the equipment to make noise outside of the radio station, so I am currently executing an internet roundup, to try and find some shit to bang around.

Rolling my eyes at a lack of preparation. Can't get a hold of the parents, who have some of my equipment at their house. I don't have keys even if I had the cash to get there. I am rationing my cigarettes. I found some mini-wheats my sister bought me. Eating those. I'm fresh-out of soymilk.

But I'm wearing my dancing skirt! Yes I am doing that!

2007-07-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

Shrimps weekend.

For those of you who don't remember, I am part of a sketch and improv comedy group called the Shrimps. There are seven of us, we write a brand new show every week. We are pretty friggin funny. I've been with the group since the fall of 2006, here's a link to our site.

I spent much of the weekend with these gents performing, writing and partying. We've been doing really well lately and we've had a couple of cash-in-hand shows this month. We have one this Tuesday night at the Art Gallery by Del Crary park. We are performing in the Festival of Darkness!

I gotta say that I'm excited about this particular gig. The Festival of Darkness started last year in an explosion of local art, controversy and noise complaints. It is a small, artist driven festival that serves to be a tongue-in-cheek alternative to Peterborough's massive summer tourist draw, the twice weekly "Festival of Lights".

At any rate, I've been enjoying the Shrimps a lot lately. The guys are a solid bunch. I like working with them. I also like the degree of fame and notoriety I'm receiving for being a hooligan on a stage.

That, and the free beer us great.

2007-07-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

The early bird!

(looks almost exactly like this bad boy, except less shiny)

I got three hours of sleep last night and groggily pulled myself out of bed at seven this morning to have breakfast at my parents house with my super- awesome aunt Sam and uncle Terry. Friggin' great humans those two are. I'm always so refreshed by their warmth and good humour.
It's great to like the people you're related to, eh?

At any rate. My dad picked me up, and we drove north out of the city. Coming up ahead of us on Hilliard street I saw a garage sale. I always take a look to see what's on sale.

Then I saw it. I said "DAD! Look! Stop the car! I'm buying it!"

An absolutely gorgeous cruiser bike, a little faded, cherry coloured, in great condition.

I was already running down the sidewalk when my dad was calling after me asking me if I had cash. I said "Absolutely! If I have to get up this early I should at least get a bike out of the deal!"

I bought this lovely bicycle for ten bucks. TEN bucks for a bike that works better than any bike I've had in the last two years.

A tale of five red bicycles.

- The Deuce, my beloved red cruiser bike from the nineteen forties is in rough shape, and hasn't been rideable for a year and a half. I love that bike, it's sitting beside me as I speak. And the first few months of my life in Peterborough saw me on that cruiser everyday. It should be noted that it has never been in good shape. It's just really old, it makes loud noises. But it's lovely, it's my car. It's red black and gold.

- My second bike (generously given to me by an old roommate) was just a shitty fire-engine-red mountain bike. The back tire always had a slow leak. I rode it for most of last summer. By the end it was missing a pedal and it STILL got stolen.

- My third bike was not actually mine, it's just under my care for a few months. It too is a red mountain bike, but it is significantly too tall for me, and it's almost too tall for me to ride at all. I had it parked at Sadlier house for months, and at Trent Radio all winter. I parked it outside work, where it was taken by a friend of my bosses. It is somewhere in the southend with a broken chain.

- This week I've been riding a fast red road bike of Chris Jardin's, I hate roadbikes though, the handlebars are terrifying and those tiny tires! The tires are low and I bailed on it the other day. It's been locked at the bus station for a couple of days. I hope it's still there.

- And now a new cruiser, one speed with a back-pedal brake. It's EXACTLY what I want in a bicycle. I don't go far, I just want to get there on a cool, working bicycle I can ride in a skirt. I even stopped at a shell station and put air in the tires.

It's pouring rain, so I've actually been riding the bicycle in circles around my apartment. That's how excited I am. I'm taking suggestions for names!

The early bird gets the bike!

2007-07-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

updates! updates!image by desiree fawn

I don't work until four today. So I'm bombing around my apartment, not cleaning it. I've actually been trying to exit the apartment for awhile, but on my way out the door I craved a cigarette. I contemplated buying a pack, thought that would be a bad idea. So I went back in and rolled myself one, which I am smoking as I type this.

The evening shift is wierd, my day has the feel of a day off, then I work. Sneaky things, these closing shifts. Although I do appreciate the option to sleep in a little.

School is in a slow crawl to the finish. I really want it to be done, these summer classes are killing me. They just give me the feeling that I've been in school forever. Moreover, the fact that I'm only in my second year gives me the feeling that I'm going to BE in school forever.
Most of my friends are done, or very nearly done. Not I, nope. Two more years of this at least.
(I spent four years of my life prostrate to the higher mind - I got my paper and I was free)

I really shouldn't speak so disparagingly about my education. I love it most days. But if I need to conjugate one more verb in Italian this summer I think I'm going to move to Helsinki.

The other day I played in Peterborough's first annual buskers festival. I only played for an hour to kill time before a shift at the Silverbean. But I happened to be setting up just as the judges were coming around my corner. I managed to get honourable mention. For this I got my name in the paper, a spot to busk at the Festival of Lights (a big festival that happens every Wednesday and Saturday in Peterborough, all summer long) and some other neat perks. Like the downtown business association knows who I am... and are into giving me free stuff. Like beer. Yesterday.

I've also got some gigs lined up for the summer. More on those when I have the details worked out.

In creative news... I think I need to get a little more serious about my songwriting. I'm getting bored of the songs in my set (it's a short set at that)... and some new material could go a long way. Who's up for a concept album?!

oh! pick me! pick me!

2007-06-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

yes. I am a bad human.

Well, I never update sure but at least I don't close the founding colleges of my university. I'll leave that to Bonnie Patterson. President of Trent University, whose board of governors just repurposed Traill despite massive student dissent, effectively spelling the end of the college system that Trent is known for.

This is supposedly in the name of fuelling money into graduate studies development at Trent.

I miss the idea of Trent being Canada'a outstanding small university.
It had a great reputation as being a fantastic primarily undergraduate university.

Now all I'm left with is a complete disregard for history, a President who gives herself massive raises while her university loses track of thousands of dollars intended for student groups from student levies. (Ask a local student group if they got their funding for second semester)

and all I've got is a half finished degree, a lesson in the futility of protest and a motto written by a cretin:

"The world belongs to those who understand it."

2007-05-18T14:16:00.001-07:00

An email cut up.

Now that this has been said, with all of it's excitement and with pens and rulers, now this can be done with the push of a few television, probably because they re both boxes that plug into structure to totally change. Education in the near future will

has been akin to the experience of buying a Volkswagen and then information, cognitive reasoning and input organized by the it is not an effective means to judge the actual art itself. It happening even now where workers are having to go back to school

that simulators of this sort need detectors to sense body motions stress injury; found when one does the same thing over and over affected by technological advancements. Artists facing digital original piece of artwork may signify the original millionth

information, cognitive reasoning and input organized by the ago, but in the age of the INTERNET information is going to be Presently we can access and deliver information millions of miles tradition? and a walking tour of Market Square, Fantan Alley,

2007-05-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

Post 400 on the ol' blog.

Well, here's my 400th post. A long time coming.

I prayed last night before I slept. It was the first time I've really prayed in weeks. Sometimes I don't have enough faith to pray. I didn't ask to feel better, but I did anyway. God's great, even when I can't seem to believe in Him.

I know a lot of you read this space. Thanks.

2007-05-03T00:02:00.000-07:00

I woke up.

Yeah, yeah. I don't post lots. Yeah, yeah, real life and stuff.

I started classes this week. It's going to be an interesting summer session. That's for sure. I'm taking Italian 100 (say it like a radio announcer: "ITALIAN ONE HUNDRED!!"). The prof is Teresa (say it with me: "Terayza") and she's awesome. All lipstick and pearls and highheels and attitude. She's intimidating, but she knows Italian. That's for sure.

I'm also in Philosophy of Religion... which'll be interesting. I find so many philosophy majors to be such pretentious prats. They talk endlessly about inane bullshit and distract from the lecture. I don't get it. Anyway this class is full of them.
The class is covering a whole set of questions that I didnt think it was heading toward. Mainly: the philosophical Problem of the Judeo-Christian God. This takes us anywhere from the problem of Evil to the idea of omnipotence to the line between Faith and Reason. It's all so personal somehow. But the Christians in my class are all insane. I dont feel proud to count myself among them. I don't deal well with closed minds pretending at righteousness. Stupidity is not a virtue.

The sitcom of the best friend next door is going well. I like sharing food with two friends. I like having coffee with them in the morning at their place. God is good to me. He has blessed me with friends whom I love very dearly.

Other than that. It's time to hit the hay. Again.

Your homework today is to cuss more and sin less. Swear lots and be kind!

2007-04-29T00:31:00.000-07:00

more tired than you. probably.

I slept all day. In a headspinning delirious sort of way. I had a beer for breakfast at the pub downstairs. I guess it was technically lunch, I was hanging out with my dad and his union friends. But man, it put me out.

I toddled upstairs and hit the floor for a nap. Nevermind that I had friends over. Nope, just needed to sleep.

I woke up when my friends left at about four in the afternoon. Then I was bored and ronery. So I opted to hit the couch.
I woke up at nine-thirty with a call from Dahn. An invitation to come over for pizza. Sounded great. I didn't move from the couch though... I was sleeping. I woke up at ten thirty and called the outing a lost cause, then I slept.

And now it's three in the morning. I am awake. My apartment is a disaster and all of my friends are sleeping, like the sane people that they are.

Urgh. Sleep! Come back to me! The internet is a boring place! I have to do things tomorrow!

2007-04-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

shhhh.

I came home to two sleeping boys in my bed. Oh sleepy boys, so endearing in their bleary-eyed attempts at speech. I will leave them be, for they are friends and as such they are always welcome in my home.

I do love to have a home I can offer to people. My hospitality is different than my mothers or my aunt's. My place is rarely clean. Supper's late and so am I. But I love people, so I sort of open the door, open the fridge and invite my dear ones to help themselves.

To my red couch I go. I sleep on it most nights anyway. It's pretty awesome. I work tomorrow. You should visit me at the Spill during the day. I'll pour you a coffee.

2007-04-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

I tso finsisfh my sessays.

I am going to type this whithout fixping typis even a little bit just lie my friend noah did onec

I have bt slept in a while. I didnt sleep last night. Now I;m going to steep for a coupel of hours.

man, I cant even toype
0
ALL FIVE ARE DONE. YAY ME!

2007-04-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

Let the games begin.

And I have managed to do it again. This time, uglier than before!

Five papers. 37 hours. 11,000 words total.

All work must be in by four o clock on Friday afternoon. If it is not. I will lose my year. Or be eaten by crocodiles. I'm not sure which is worse at this point.

So, my hair is standing up. I'm waiting for Petes to open in four hours so I can buy smokes. I'm hoping to have a paper done before breakfast tomorrow. My breakfast is caffeine and cigarettes by the dozen.

Some sick part of me has got to LOVE this, for me to do this every time.

2007-04-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

I'm tired I'm -

(my building. my apartment is the one right in the middle, on the second floor, with the special arched window)

It's three thirty. I have one silly page to write before I can sleep. Just one silly page and I can't seem to push it out. I hung out with a friend and her daughter and son tonight. They are nocturnal. They left just over an hour ago. They managed to tire me out.

In other, more history making news, my apartment is almost clean. Sweet glorious yes.
My livingroom-type-area (hey it's a loft, so there aren't exactly rooms per se) ... It's totally put together.
My dishes, (my shame!) are nearly eradicated.
My kitchen table is free of debris.
I can see my floor.
I swept.

My friend reworked my cupboards. My cupboards I say!

My cloffice (the closet/office) is still a disaster. I spend a lot of time in this closet. (har har)
It shows. There are three empty jugs of chocolate soymilk on the floor. Three. fucksakes.

My bedroom is also still a mess. But that's just means I need to consolidate dirty clothes and make the bed.

I also need to scrub the bathroom and finish the dishes (my shame!)

And then, oh then my living space will be clean. And that will be a glad day, considering that I will be holed up in this here apartment for the next week. Five essays kiddios. Five. fucksakes!

Okay. To my one silly page.

2007-03-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

the shake. the agnus dei

I am listening to noise. I'm shaking like a leaf.

I am tired. I haven't eaten enough. I just sang my lungs out for a couple of hours.

Caffiene is getting to me.

I've left the windows of my place open. It's cold.

Yesterday I was playing with a piece of glass and I cut the first finger of my right hand. My mouse finger. My writing hand. There are three tiny slices in the fingertip. One is deep and hurts a bit whenever I touch this keyboard. I didn't notice that the finger was bleeding for ten or fifteen minutes after I cut it.

Praying. Still shaking. My teeth are chattering. Thinking about sex. They're tangled in my mind sometimes. Two kinds of intimacy. Two consummations. This is not so much heresy as a recognition of a place beyond words. Prayer is something visceral.

There is a beautiful film by Roberto Rosselini called "Stromboli", Ingrid Bergman plays a woman named Karen, in a tiny isolated village on a volcanic island. At the end of the film Bergman's character is overcome. She stands at the top of a mountain, a volcano, and screams "Dio! Dio!" It's the encounter with the "too much, too much, too great for me" that is her scream. This is the visceral.

Too much. Too much. Too great for me. My prayer is the shaking. The consummation. The noise. My own wordlessness. The notes of "Agnus Dei" are in the ache of my muscles, in the sting in the first finger of my right hand as I write this.

2007-03-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

george street wakes up.

george street in the fifties

I'm up before six, I feel rested and I can't go back to sleep. I could never understand the early risers who'd wake up and then that was it. They'd make a cup of coffee and stay awake.

I've known a few. Hell, I've lived with a few. Frighteningly productive people they are. They have showered, caffienated and started their days a good three hours before I stir.

I've pulled more than my fair share of all-nighters over the past couple of months. I've watched George Street wake up. I haven't really woken up with George Street in a long time.

The man who I presume to be Pete, is in Pete's Subs, just sitting behind the counter, maybe counting his change. Now he's wiping tables.

Alfred, my mysterious neighbour across the street is at his computer. Someday I'm just going to wave at him, silhouetted at his window. I must look similar, with my face bathed in blue computer light. I must keep similar hours to Alfred, since see him all the time.

The bank on Brock Street just switched a light on. I can see a man in a white shirt going through and flipping the switches. The bank lights up east to west. The security guard just showed for work. He's early, the man in white just let him in.

A girl with a knapsack just walked by. She looked in my window and saw me seeing her.

I fell asleep last night at dinnertime. I've slept for something like thirteen hours.
Good morning George Street.

2007-03-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

My dinner. Better than your dinner.

Because the flying spaghetti monster clearly says so.

I had whole spelt spaghetti with tomato sauce from scratch.
That's right, it had olive oil, tomatoes, onions, loads of lovely red pepper, rosemary and about fifteen cloves of garlic. Seriously kids, let's not kid around about garlic. It tastes good. For protein I threw in some pressed firm tofu from Minh's Chinese Grocer downtown.

Spelt spaghetti is great. It's dark brown, and has a lot more substance than the white-flour variety. It made my tummy happy.

I topped it all off with some nutritional yeast for a shot of B vitamins.
Mmmm, B vitamins...

2007-03-08T22:26:00.000-08:00

where do you hold your hands when we talk on the phone?

I am tired and sore dear friends, tired and sore. And I got a sunburn, and a windburn, and maybe even some frostbite. I can't tell.

Today went a little like this
- up early, did some reading, showered.
- went for coffee with Dahn and Jesse.
- sped to campus to vote in the referendum
- operated the Booth of Truth outside for five hours. It was cold. It was windy. It was sunny. But I got the students to tell the truth on the radio. I also got a bunch of them to vote.
- sped to Trent Radio for a Board Meeting.
- Dahn's for an avocado sandwich
-Lifedrawing modelling. Thus the soreness. It'll be the last time I model until I hook myself up with other places around town. I worked hard. The artists like me more than a friend.
- Trent Radio again for my show. Got home just before midnight.
- Late night errand! Just got in.

Bah, I'm exausted. I'm getting my hair cut off tomorrow. I'm sick of it. I want a cute short cut again. A la Breathless. No more combs!

The tyranny of combs is ended, as has my energy. Goodnight.
Good luck, friend.
Good night.

2007-03-04T23:47:00.000-08:00

break my heart and break my bones.

(photo by desiree)

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon
your hearts.
Impress them on your children.
Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road,
when you lie down
and when you get up.

- Deuteronomy 6:6-7

2007-03-01T22:23:00.000-08:00

the neglected blog. my sexy radio voice.

Why is it that killing a blog feels a bit like some sort of internet homicide? I dont really feel like killing the blog, but I guess I've been letting it hibernate for a while. It's not that there's nothing happening in my life. Quite the opposite. There's a fair amount going on, most of which I don't feel like sharing with the internet at the end of the day.

I just got back from the radio. I closed up the place. Illiadis-the-operator mostly lets me and the Thursday night noise-boy, Grenon do our shows and close up solo. We are the late night kids. I am late night community radio.

I did a quick speech for the levy commitee tonight at Traill college. Trent Radio needs a raise, as our levy hasn't been changed since 1989. I was the last person to present, after candidates and other referendum presentations. I went up and introduced myself, gave the little talk and took questions. Then we ate cookies and people came up to talk to me. One guy (running to be on the board of Governors) says to me "So... as soon as you opened your mouth I was like Oh my God listen to her radio voice! So smooth!-"
" - so sultry!" interrupted a stunning redhead, amid nods from others around.

Dear god, I can sound sultry while saying "adjusted annually to the consumer price index"? SULTRY?

I think that calls for a martini!

2007-02-17T09:02:00.000-08:00

we open our hands.

Lime water punched me in the face today.
It tastes so good that I wish it was all I could drink. I am so, so very bourgeois sometimes.
I have embarked on creating an extravagant gift. I love creating gifts.

Sam, if you read this. I think about you often. I miss you and your family.

I've felt like blogging less lately. I really haven't updated any of the sites that I routinely contribute to.

I want spring to come. I need a job. It's not as dark as it used to be. But I want cigarettes and polaroids in summer, without the cost.

I want nothing but to put out my hand. with nothing to offer. and for you to take it.

I pray Him come.

2007-02-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

Morning.

Every so often the trick I do where my alarm clock is on the bottom floor of my loft and I am sleeping on the top... yeah, that trick occasionally works. I am sleepy, but decisively out of bed a good hour before I need to be at class. This is probably a miracle of sorts.

I'm sliding away in my philosophy of art class, which I missed last night. I just sent my prof an email to negotiate an essay option for me to get a handle on all the quizzes I've missed. Gah, the stress. I wish to God I could drop this class. I love z/s classes with a fiery passion, but three classes with her is too much to really want more class besides. Her classes should be worth at least three and half credits on their own without me having to take another class on top of it. Plus there's this thing where I really don't care much for other classes right now. I am a little enthralled with z/s at the moment. I've heard that by fourth year this will fade enough for common sense to return, but right now...

Okay. I have wasted a good half hour on this thing. So I have to brush my teeth, throw on a toque and head out the door. To check an essay and find that z/s has marked me harshly on it, so that I can spend this weekend rewriting it.

I need more OSAP. More life. Less whiny cat. More grape juice.

2007-01-31T20:49:00.000-08:00

You seen the moon recently?

There is currently a huge glowing ring around the moon.
It looks like an eye.
I was praying while walking back to my apartment this evening and I asked God if it was His eye.
He didn't give me a straight answer.

2007-01-26T08:14:00.000-08:00

oh yeah?

I am seeking employment. It's more than a tad stressful, mostly because I have a limited amount of time to find a job before I become homeless.

So, I stayed up all last night pulling together a decent resume and a form for a cover letter that I'm modifying as I spread out over Peterborough. Ideally, I want a barista job. I love coffee jobs and I am good at them. They're not as insane as restaurants and not evil like call centre jobs. I stand a pretty good chance at getting hired at Haaseltons (they need someone). I've got a damn pretty resume when it comes to coffee jobs, anything else looks a little... sparse. For example, I have zero retail experience.

What else do I know how to do? I can wash dishes, yes I can do that. But where...? Any suggestions, or if you know someone that is hiring... drop me a comment here.

2007-01-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

ahem. you ready for it?... I TSO FINISHED MY SESSAYS!!!

Exactly a month late. That's damn near two months of sweating over this round of papers. As a kick in the pants, my first abstracts are due this week for the next round of papers. I mean really.

So, that's three all nighters this week. I am about as tired as a person can get, and I'm having genuine trouble piecing conversations together... full sentences are a challenge today. I just can't process what's going on around me when I'm this exhausted.

I just bought grocery with mystery money from God. I love mystery money from God. I love groceries. I just sit and open and shut my fridge thinking about all the lovely things I could make out of the things inside the fridge.

2007-01-17T11:54:00.000-08:00

What I need is :

Yeah it's that dumb google thing where you type in "(your name) needs". I did it. Now I'm fessing up. Here's ten. Yes I'm lame.

- Meaghan needs to stop drawing fanart while she's ahead.
- Meaghan needs to participate more in class discussions.
- Meaghan needs someone to listen, they are not accommodating.
- meaghan needs to learn how to drive a standard
- Meaghan needs to stop trying to get into ryans pants. and get into mine.
- Meaghan needs more coffee.
- Meaghan needs to move out to Los Angeles so she can stop reading celebrity magazines.
- Meaghan needs help and guidance
- Meaghan needs more help than she's capable of asking for.
- meaghan needs to update her profile because she kisses all the time now, just not me

And yes, Meaghan needs to finish her essays.

2007-01-14T10:58:00.000-08:00

Someday. Today.

Once they are done I will do something very nice for myself. Like sleep, and eat some delicious food.

Or maybe I will just sleep. And plan what my life will be like from now on. As things are looking different in my life.

2007-01-07T22:28:00.000-08:00

we like the toast a whole damn lot.

I like my mum's tea biscuits even better. They are their own food group, let's not kid around here.
I am also drinking ricemilk out of the carton.
I am also about to light a cigarette.
I am not finished my papers. I am going to sleep instead.
I am also an idiot. Yes.

2007-01-03T08:03:00.000-08:00

Just going to take a running jump.

Into. the Essay. Maybe. Oh gosh I hate them all so...

maybe this page will be helpful... but I doubt it. a lot.

2007-01-01T10:56:00.000-08:00

happy new year.

I realize that I'm not posting much. But then again, I'm not internetting much these days either. The computer is without a fan. And real life beckons me outside, or at least to my bookshelf more often these days. I swear I feel less dirty after killing an afternoon reading a book than after killing one watching Borat clips on Youtube for three hours...

I don't really like New Years. I find the whole holiday really pointless. A couple of weeks ago people started asking me what I was doing for New Years, and after thinking about it for a bit I said "I'll probably have something at my place." I then promptly forgot about it.

Then after I got back to town this week people started asking me about the party at my loft on New Years Eve. I sort of scratched my head at these people and said "oh yeah... uh lemme get back to you on the details..." and then scurried off to the comfort of an espresso.

Then at church yesterday morning I said "Hey everyone, there's a New Years Sucks party at my place tonight. Ten-ish. You don't have to kiss anyone at midnight if you don't want to. Bring whatever."

So. A party it was. I'm far too antisocial for parties by the way. Lord knows why I end up having them at my place. I usually end up hiding in my closet-office (hereafter known as the cloffice) in order to get some air. Or clinging to the four people in the room I know really well in order to minimize the awkwardness of the "Hi, how was your Christmas" conversation.

But in such situations, I buck up, grab mason jar of wine and play house. I pretend I'm a fifties housewife entertaining my husbands important business partners, so that he can seal the deal and by us a new stationwagon with even more wood panelling.

It works. The party went great.

2006-12-16T15:37:00.000-08:00

Everybody sing together now!

~Oh! Dahn set up the internet! Yes he did, he is the best!~

Yeah, the lack of posting on the blog was not the result of negligence but rather of a lack of internet. For the first while that I lived here there was a really strong wireless signal from within the building called the Scheeron Family Network.

I think the Scheeron family moved to Alaska. Or got the plague. Or maybe moved to Alaska.

Yeah, a few weeks ago the Scheeron network just croaked. It was sad. So, no more free internets.
So Dahn installed the whole thing for me. And I was happy. Yes.

I'll have you know that all I have done today is make lunch. Eat it with Dahn and Dan... and nap.
But I will sing karaoke tonight. Oh yes.
At the Puck n Pint of all places.

2006-12-06T15:51:00.000-08:00

a grasp that is a letting go.

Today is the day which has loosely become known as my 'spirit birthday'. It's been five years since I decided to follow Jesus, five years of falling for him. I still love him a lot.

Today I want to make love to everything I see. His glory is manifest all around me. In my coffee, in my friends face. In my fingertips. I can hear the pulse of His heart beneath the pavement.

Our God is a consuming fire.
I am consumed. Swallowed up. Eaten.
Drowning in this fucking inexpressible grace and presence.

As I go, I understand Him less. I have fewer answers as He becomes more unfathomable. I have less and less to say in front of Him. I have less and less that I could say of Him if I were given a soapbox and a corner to preach from. I am dumbfounded that He is.

And god, He loves me. He loves me passionately.

Friends, May you know Him.
My Jesus, my Beloved. The Lion. The Lover. The consuming fire.

2006-11-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

this and other ridiculous pet incidents with...

Levi the Cat.

Set his own tail on fire today.

(I wish I was making this up.)

I was sitting by the fireplace, and Levi was rubbing up against me trying to get his ears scratched. He was sashaying his tail just so. And he rested it on the glass pane of my fireplace.

sizzle. sparks. smoke. Smell of burnt fur.

Levi wasn't sure what had happened, so he just meowed a lot while I lost my MIND and checked him for any permanent damage.

There's a burnt patch of fur on his tail now. For crying out LOUD... I get the ONE cat who's going to set himself on fire.

2006-11-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

A genuine sick day.

I just actually took a sick day. I honestly can't remember the last time I took a sick day. I usually just muddle through the day feeling gross. But today I woke up and everything hurt. My stomach felt like someone punched it... (more specifically, like curry punched it)
All my muscles ached, I felt dizzy, hot and cold and shaky and I had a killer headache.

So I spent all of today sleeping it off. It's now ten to seven. And I don't feel great, but my stomache feels okay and my head doesn't hurt anymore. The main problem is that I'm going to be feeling nocturnal tonight for sleeping all day.

I just turned my music off because a train was going by in another part of town. But it was making that faraway train sound that carries a ridiculous amount of nostalgia for me. When I was a kid I only heard trains when I was at my grandparents place up north. And all of us kids had the idea that the trains belonged to Grandpa. So they were "Grandpa's trains."

Later, when I moved out west, the first place I lived in had a very busy railway running right through town. I heard trains all the time, learned to sleep through their sounds. But this memory is dear to me too. It was my first summer away from home where I knew I wasn't going back.

I'm going to shower at go to Trent Radio.

2006-11-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

shoes.

It's taken almost two weeks... but my apartment is finally messy.
And this simply WILL not do. So I'm tidying.

Ideally this apartment should be swept daily. Realistically speaking... maybe twice a week I'll get to it. At least it's not vacuuming. I really dislike vacuuming.

But then again. I need to be in just that mood to want to clean my space. But I want a clean space much more often than I get into that mood. So nights like tonight I'm forced to clean against my will, in the pursuit of a clean space.

My dear brother is reading the 'Allegory of the Cave' tonight for his class tomorrow. We are chatting about the nature of reality. Smart cookie that one is.

I bought my cat a toy. I am officially a cat lady. Get me a box of mothballs and an oath of celibacy and I'll be laughing in afghans.

Meow.

2006-11-10T23:28:00.000-08:00

I tso finished my sessay.

All three are done. These have been a month coming, and it's been three weeks since I last felt like I didnt have an axe over my head. So I feel pretty great. I ran the last one (Text and Image) up to the cultural studies office today. I hope zsuzsa thinks it's all right. But she did like my 260 essay a lot... now I have to not write badly... ever.

After that I went to Trent Radio hoping to catch Dahnny boy, missed him and then went home to practice for the Shrimps. I wrote a skit this week... which was cool. It was about a vegan who chains herself to a deer at the opening of the hunting season... except the deer is suicidal.

teehee.

Our show was SO good tonight... so tight, and such a great audience.... but some guy got really offended in middle of the last sketch(I wasnt in it)... (we poked lewd fun at a war vet character) and yelled at the top of his lungs that we were disgusting, that we should be ashamed of ourselves, that the show was disgusting and that he was leaving right now. He left and dragged his protesting, embarrassed wife with him.

Well, that put a damper on things. Dan recovered beautifully, and everyone was laughing again in no time. But hell... that dude was pretty determined to ruin the show.

It's not that I disrespect war veterans, or want to minimize the horror of the first and second world wars. I told the guys that the sketch was risky, and I wish the dude hadn't left.
But at the same time, I'm really glad we played on... it's one thing to not take a joke. It's another thing to call my friends disgusting for making a lewd character with a background in an ninety year old war.

I was darn funny tonight anyway. I'm really coming into my own with these guys... my characters are really funny, and I'm getting great feedback after the shows.

Plus tonight I got a shirt. It's official.

2006-11-04T23:46:00.000-08:00

three essays and a move.

Well. I've finished one essay and one move. I'm really pleased with the results of both.

The place? Is the nicest apartment in the city. I moved my kitchen over Tuesday and the rest on Wednesday (thanks Jardin and Jordan). And after some much needed shopping on Friday with Des... I set up the place. Everything is pretty much tidy. The art's on the walls. The bed is made. There are some dirty dishes in the sink. And all in all... the place is looking great.

It really looks too good to be true.

I've got some enforced minimalism going on, in terms of how the place is furnished. I desperately need couches. And I think I'm going to front for a futon or two... and pray for someone to inform me of their intentions of throwing away a perfectly good (black!) sectional sofa. Seriously though. If anyone in the blogosphere knows of some hookups for cheap couches/loveseats, please let me know. I dont want awful furniture by any stretch of the imagination, the place is really too nice for that. But I'm also working on a hell of a budget.
So, in the meantime... Everybody sit crosslegged! We'll have tea and look out my windows!

Now for the papers. For z/s... which already are extended. Any postponing after this point is a hyperextension... which will recieve no grace.

Rock!

2006-10-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

don't delete me from your favourites.

I love how it's not... "don't delete my blog" but rather, do not delete me. Me, as an entity. There you go. Delete me from your favourites and I will fade into oblivion. A death of sorts will occur. Internet Meagh will be no more.

ps. I've switched to Meagh. Not Meag. Or even Meaghan. Meagh. The 'h' is silent. So's the 'a' for that matter. My parents were all about unnecessary letters.

I'm moving the day after tomorrow. I get keys tomorrow afternoon. Lucky me! I think I'm going to call a cab and move my kitchen there tomorrow around dinner time. Get it out of the way. If I grab a couple of skinny friends and lure them in with tea, maybe we could get it all up there in one load and set up the beginnings of a kitchen. It'll be a start.

My essays aren't done. I've finally started packing. But to be completely packed and ready to go as of 5:00 Wednesday? Gonna be a stretch kiddos.

Okay. Naptime.

2006-10-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

so wont you help a brother out?

I've decided that the safest thing to do right now is to sleep. God knows I need it.
My cat has decided that anything even remotely box-shaped/claustrophobic is his bed. This means that all the boxes currently strewn about my floor for the purposes of moving in a week have made a veritable nap heaven for the guy. He's going to have one rude awakening when I pack him off in a box to a very downtown loft... where he will begin his new life as an indoor cat. I can picture him taking THAT well.

ahem. MEOW!

So today I was at the parents place, making noodles and trying to get some laundry and errands done. And now... I'm overstuffed with noodles. and mommy-muffins. and... laundry?

Yeah. Laundry.

2006-10-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow in Toronto.

Tomorrow is a fieldtrip, for z/s class!

I am going to nap on the Greyhound bus!

2006-10-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

a bus to the sea

I almost got on a greyhound an hour ago without even knowing where it was going. I saw a bus loading and just suddenly felt this desperation wash over me, like getting on the bus would mean the end of things. The end of cat piss. the end of cigarettes. an end of me as I am here. like getting on a greyhound might redeem me somehow.

I wanted the bus to go as far west as the highway goes. or maybe as far east, I havent been to the east in awhile.

I tugged on a mans coat to ask where the bus was going, and when it left. But I couldnt get the sound out, so I just said "excuse me" and kept walking.

I figured that I'd have to explain why I was in winnipeg, or ottawa or montreal. and I didnt want to do that. So I went on my way.

2006-10-13T00:29:00.000-07:00

kung fu and the bible.

Thank you Youtube. Without you, I would sleep at night.

In the meantime. Know your bible.

2006-10-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

the shrimp tricked me.

the shrimps comedy troupe, of superpopularshow fame just tricked me into an audition. I saw a poster up on campus today that said "fun improv practice, at the Arts umbrella". I like fun, and improv, so I decided to go. I went... and did improv exercises for three hours with the guys from the Shrimps. At the end, they whipped out an adress book, took down our names and said that they'd been auditioning us all along.

Damn sneaky comedians. Now I'm all worried that I'm not funny enough. But they asked me if the practice and show times fit my schedule, so maybe that's a good sign.

and darn it all, the shrimps are so COOL.

2006-10-07T02:22:00.000-07:00

(((( shock and awe's... wild applause)))))

Desiree and I actually set up and cleaned our livingroom.

It has been a rather treacherous, unnavigable storage room for stuff since Des moved in the first of September. Now the crap is closeted, our lone chair is in its corner and I've galleried the walls up a notch. By tomorrow afternoon it should actually be ready for my friends Andrew and Kim, who are comin' over for Thanksgiving.

Now... for my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Epecially...
Well, especially all of them.
I was seriously considering calling some sort of Molly Maid service for a hand in cutting through this mess. The dishes alone will take a couple of hours. Then there's the real work of scrubbing, and trying to make my apartment smell like animals don't outnumber humans.

It's five thirty in the morning. I'm going to bed. Goodnight... er. Goodmorning.

2006-10-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

things Leviathan the Cat likes.

- cat food. he eats it. among other things
- my box of old newspapers beside the computer. he curls up in them while I blog. And sleeps for the night
- throat singing (he gets all excited)
- me. he jumps on my lap when I get home
- black cigarettes. he purrs if I light one
- chatting. if I talk to him, he talks back.
- my neighbours. he may or may not go by the pseudonym "black sabbath" in order to scam fish from the twenty-somethings on my block
- being on the internets.
- my bed. where he's sleeping now

I am such a cat lady.

2006-10-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

the menace.

I just slipped.
on an actual banana peel
on the way home from dahn and dan's
at two in the morning

it actually happened.

2006-10-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

Vegan Red Lentil Soup

(care of allrecipes.)
INGREDIENTS:

1 tablespoon peanut oil
1 small onion, chopped
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger root
1 clove garlic, chopped
1 pinch fenugreek seeds
1 cup dry red lentils
1 cup butternut squash - peeled, seeded, and cubed
1/3 cup finely chopped fresh cilantro
2 cups water
1/2 (14 ounce) can coconut milk
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 pinch cayenne pepper
1 pinch ground nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:

Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat, and cook the onion, ginger, garlic, and fenugreek until onion is tender.
Mix the lentils, squash, and cilantro into the pot. Stir in the water, coconut milk, and tomato paste. Season with curry powder, cayenne pepper, nutmeg, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, and simmer 30 minutes, or until lentils and squash are tender.

2006-10-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

I ride it everywhere.

On the packed greyhound bus to toronto last friday, I sat next to a beautiful boy... maybe eighteen or nineteen who had a big backpackers pack and patches on his jacket.

We didn't say anything when he sat down. But our knees touched, and he leaned forward into his bag and pulled out a red envelope. The name on the front was Polish, but the address was in quebec.
He opened it without trying to conceal the letter from me. Maybe he didn't know that I could see it. It was written in neat round cursive, in french. Maybe he thought I wouldn't understand.

Mon cher... tu sera toujours mon meilleur ami... je te manque... retournez chez moi... j'taime avec tout mon coeur... j'attends mon cheri... quands retournez vous a montreal? j'taime, cher ami ....

After he'd finished reading, he didn't say anything. He just carefully folded the note, and put it back in its red envelope, and leaned his forehead on the seat in front of him. After awhile, he put his head on my shoulder and fell asleep.

We woke up in Torontoa couple of hours later. I didn't say anything to him as we got our bags. Last I saw he was walking toward an escalator, with the letter in his hand.

2006-09-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

skin//skinned

I have two cats and a dog napping in my room. Kitten is on my laundry bag, on my bed. Winston is on my bed too, chewing sleepily on a mutilated E.T. doll. Leviathan has decided that my 'zine box of newspapers from the forties is his new favourite place to be. I can't say I blame him.

Today I was modelling for a life-drawing session, and it was going great. All the artists were crowing about what good energy the poses had, and I was working my ass off for them (pardon the joke). I use whatever is around to do interesting poses. Today there was a stool, among other things. I was setting up for a fifteen minute pose, (they're my favourite). Where I would sit on the stool with my feet on the platform that I pose from.

The stool was too close, I fell backwards onto the floor with the stool beneath me. Oh dear.

I wasn't hurt. I wasn't even embarrassed (let's be honest, I fall a lot) but everyone was so freaked out that they suggested we take a break.
I protested, said I was great and we should do the fifteen minute pose. But then this little old European woman in the back, with crazy frizzy short hair (who'd said nothing thusfar) pointed at me in horror and screamed:

"AAIEEE! BUT LOOOK!!! SHE EEEZ BLEEDINK!"

Sigh. I couldn't argue with that. I was bleeding from three places. Two scratches on my back and one on my side were trickling blood. By this point one of the older artists goes wide eyed and says "I need a cigarette!" and we took the break early, so that I could clean my wounds.

So this other artist puts down her brushes and says "I'm getting you a coffee!" and runs to the nearest shop for it. So five minutes later I'm wrapped in a bedsheet sipping coffee and telling a bunch of overexcited artists that I'm really feeling super and can do a fifteen minute pose any time now.

So we did, and I was more energetic than ever just to prove that a scrape or three wouldn't slow me down. And at the end all the artists were stoked to show me their work. I was commenting and chatting when I got to the little european woman, who peered at me from owl glasses. I looked at her sketch, and there I was in black and white, with three little red scratches drawn in pastel.

I should get danger pay. really.

2006-09-28T16:34:00.000-07:00

radio. radio. swing it low. radio
Today is radio day! After a month long hiatus I am back at Trent Radio on Thursday nights at 10:oo pm for the joy that is Reading Between the Lines.

So the locals can turn their dials to 92.7 fm. The non locals get the joy of getting the live streaming here.

2006-09-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

throat singing. neck breaking.

I'm not as good at knowing what to say on blogs as I used to be. Last night I saw Tanya Tagaq, along with Kinnie Starr and Skeena Reece. It was a fantastic show. Throat singing, hip hop, beats, poetry and stand-up to make your ears bleed. I danced. Check out their stuff.

This morning, I rolled out of bed just in time to do a wee show of my own. I played a quick set at the Seasoned Spoon cafe, to celebrate their opening this season. I got free soup out of the deal, and everyone liked the Vegan song, so it was time well spent. I even added a verse about Aramark, the food services group that controls on campus with an iron fist. An iron fist I tell you!

So now I sit here, on Mirabelli's loveseat. Listening to noise. And blogging about it.
Zzsuzsa in fifty seven minutes.

2006-09-22T14:49:00.000-07:00

you can leave me behind, and I wont mind. I wont mind. I.

listening to :: xiuxiu's I luv the valley oh!, massive attack's teardrop. and some sigur ros

For the non-locals, it would be important to note that today is a grey sort of day. It's cold and I'm hiding inside little-Dan's huge sweater, and wearing socks inside my apartment for the first time in months.

The cats are sleeping, it looks like someone came in and just tossed them onto the furniture, Kitten is on my bed wedged between books and bags of clean laundry. Leviathan is lying sort of precariously on the back of a chair in the livingroom.

I've been smoking black cigarettes lately. I like inhaling smoke more than I thought I would.

I think it bears mentioning that my life is pretty wonderful right now. Seriously.
Work at the Bridge is better than it's ever been, cooking on Wednesday's is a joy. Drop in is the best possible way I could spend friday night. I love the people I get to know at the bridge.

Here is what I really mean.
I feel saturated in the love of Christ. That raw, honest love that I only really feel when I pay attention to it. It's like a hum behind the rest of sound, or a pulse beneath pavement. I don't know. I feel it anyway, and I want to give credit to it. How wonderful is it that I can walk downtown late at night and feel grace permeating what I see? That I can sense mercy in the actions of those around me? That God is immediate. Present. In my next breath. In yours.

2006-09-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

...

I've put my hair up
with two readystrike matches -
cigarettes // campfires

(the smell of burnt hair)

2006-09-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

a link. before I sleep.

I've been reading Soren Kierkegaard's "Fear and Trembling" over the past couple of weeks. I needed to read this section, about the sacrifice of Isaac, for class this morning.

2006-09-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

everyone loves a parade!

Hey guys. Yesterday was happy happy Pride Day in the sweet city of Peterborough. I woke up at my parents house (I haven't slept over at the parents since christmas!) and immediately got industrious and started making a stencil to spraypaint on a t-shirt.

I carefully cut letters into an old copy of Peterborough This Week. Then, armed with my brothers black teeshirt, a pizza box and two cans of spraypaint, my dad sent me as far into the backyard as possible to start stencilling.

The stencil read "Jesus <3's queers". I originally intended on just leaving it on the t-shirt. Then I was playing with make-up and I put on red lipstick... that wouldn't come off. So in the spirit of flaming red, I made the stencil into a patch on a flaming red tanktop.
The shirt is my new favourite.

The parade was great, I walked with my friends. Then the pride dance at night was a fantastic time, dj Misha kept the floor moving, as it were. And I pretty much danced my legs off. Dahn was clearly the dancing queen of the evening, Des getting an honourable mention for being a dancing roommate.

It was a good time. After all, everyone loves a parade.

2006-09-15T00:57:00.000-07:00

A series of illustrations of the members of my household at four thirty in the morning. Today.

the roommate

winston
degusleviathan and kitten

goodnight everyone.

2006-09-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

we like the toast a whole damn lot (like Rory Calhoun, before he got shot)

I slept in, a lot. Thankfully there are no witnesses and I'm not late for anything, so I can just feel lazy all on my own. So! I am eating toast and reading kierkegaard and being ordered around by the cats.

In the vein of dahn, code and many others, I think I'll post my classes. They are::

- Crisis in Modern Critical Discourse; Return of the Religious - With the one and only Zsuzsa Baross. Of all my courses, I am most excited about this one. Zsuzsa blew my mind on Monday, and the texts for the course look amazing.

- Text and Image - A rare Zsuzsa course I just picked up. I was taking 280, but I think that I'd rather take that next year with her and take this course while it exists. That, and Dahn talked me into it.

- History and Theory of Theatre - With Prof. Magdelena, from Poland! This course looks promising. Magdelena is new, but her research on theatre and marginalized groups sounds fantastic. Plus, I have a seminar with my new friend, Cliff.

- The Making of the Modern Body - Another Zsuzsa course. It looks amazing. In our first lecture Zsuzsa intimidated the shit out of everyone and I furiously took notes on implants and transplants.

Zsuzsa and Magdelena for the effin' win. All right.

2006-09-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

(Fal-core)

2006-09-12T12:34:00.000-07:00

"Atreju, the luckdragon just wants you to stop singing."

(ps. let's watch neverending story. now.)

2006-09-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

my sister is brilliant.
And I am still employed.

To celebrate, let us bask in the wonders of my sister's rendition of the mystical
UNICLAM!!

2006-09-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

when meaghan-standard-time bites back.
I was an hour late for work this morning. At the Silverbean. I opened the cafe almost forty minutes late. I set the alarm for 8pm rather than 8am. A classic error if there ever was one.

I was rescued by Desiree, Dahn and Dan who all came running to the 'Bean to help me set up furniture. I was amazed at how fast my friends ran to help me out of a situation that was clearly my own doing.
Thanks guys. You did my heart good.

This brings me to the next action. 'Fessing up to the boss. (Because it's honest. Because she'll find out anyway.)

I've rehearsed it three dozen times at least. At least a dozen of those mental rehearsals have ended in me being fired. What makes it worse is that I had zero intention of messing up the opening this morning. My intention was to show up a half hour early to do an extra good job. I'm generally sorry, and really disappointed in myself.

Bringing me to what bothers me most about this whole thing. I hate it when my actions don't line up with my own intentions. I hate it when I want to be kind but end up treating others poorly. When I mean to work hard and instead act out of laziness. When I mean to be good, and end up being the classic sinner. All that kills me, because I don't measure up to who I want to be.

So, I guess I confess tomorrow, feel bad and move on. I'll work on making my actions reflect my intentions... with the foundation that God likes me regardless.

On with it then.

2006-09-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

man in the womb


This man sits staring.
Left lost in hand.
You want a real solution?
Well we're doing the worst we can.
Bodies make the scariest sounds.
As Johnny sings, he sings the blues.
So come on and spread your gospel.
You've got change on your mind.
So get down on me, get down on me.

(by zao)

2006-09-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

The evolution of a feast.(Currently:: Listening to Leviathan purr on my bed.) I am tired. So I think I'm going to sleep.

I spent the day cooking at The Bridge with Dahn, Little Dan, Chris and Kerri, as is our habit.
For the uninitiated, every Wednesday night the Bridge Youth Center (where I work) holds a community feast. It exists to address the needs of hungry people in Peterborough. In our neighbourhood there are lots of hungry people, and a lot of loneliness from the looks of things. The feast exists to address both of these issues.

The meals for the past two weeks have been vegan. The vegan food is great. But strangely enough, it's not really the main reason why I'm stoked on the meals of late.

I am happy about the meals for the past couple of weeks because ::

- We have served food in a sit-down style rather than a bread-line.
This serving style has minimized wait time and stress. More importantly, the sit-down style has given the meal a dignity that I had previously thought impossible.
I am uncomfortable with breadlines because they are a traditional marker of poverty. If you really really need food, you will stand in line for it. But anyone with enough cash for groceries would never have to stand in line and wait to be fed. I want to work to minimize the Us and Them dynamic within community meals, this is a fantastic step.

- We are serving food that is really good.
The temptation to just serve whatever is donated is pretty great. We get donations of food and we operate on a shoestring budget. It costs a lot to feed 150 people dinner, and most of it comes out of pocket. The issue with the food that is donated though is that we probably wouldn't serve it to friends. I would never have friends over and serve them coleslaw from a bucket or mock chicken sandwiches. I would serve them the best thing I could whip up, to honour them. The people who eat food with us on Wednesdays are my friends. I refuse to succumb to the idea that I should serve them anything less than what I would serve at a dinner party at my place.

- We are serving food that is healthy.
Diet makes or breaks health. We want to serve food that is nutritious and balanced. The trick is to convince people who are unaccustomed to healthy food that the whole health thing is really a good idea. So far, it's going pretty well.

- We are spending more time building community.
I like being able to sit, and talk and eat with people. Food is a good equalizer. We all need it. An when you sit and eat with people, something great happens. Conversations happen. I connect with the kids at the centre about their days. I meet the parents of the drop-in kids. I meet cool old people with good stories. It's good. It's breaking down barriers of isolation and working towards something more kind.

It's great to feel good about Wednesdays at The Bridge. Thanks to Little Dan, Chris, Dahn and Kerri (who make it happen). I am blessed when I cook with you.
To food! To community! Thank God for both. :)

Goodnight.

2006-09-04T18:10:00.000-07:00

move this! (cue tetris song)
my house looks as if a tornado of sorts hit it...

ah yes. HURRICANE DESIREE.

After a day of moving stuff around tetris style, I think we may perhaps be making some headway. Perhaps my apartment will be clean and set up by... the end of this week.

Ah jeez. I have no idea how two people can claim to have ownership of this many small kitchen appliances...

coffeemaker - ZEY DO NOT AUN US!
sandwich press - Ve aun ourselfs!
electric kettles - Yes! YES! VE AUN ZEM!!
toaster oven - brothers! sisters the kitchen is ours! No longer will we be commanded to make toast, to endlessly reheat history! I call for a battle!
Microwave - TO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

shit. my kitchen is going to pwn me.
I need to leave.

TO DAHN'S!

2006-08-31T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hey friends. Go vegan. thanks.

::to start::

I want to write a note here about living a compassionate lifestyle. I've been a vegan for almost a year now, and I think it's about time I posted about it more than in passing. I am a vegan for a few reasons. These include everything from my health and spirituality, to the environment, to my compassion for animals and humans alike, to the plain fact that it's a cost effective and delicious way to live. I DO NOT NEED animal products in my life at ALL. Neither do you. Therefore I see no reason to continue to cause suffering to animals (and humans, and the earth) if I dont need to.

::for christians::

My veganism and my christianity tie together. A lot of my christian friends think that my ethical choices concerning animals are separate from my choice to follow Christ. I disagree.

Death is a thing of the Fall. It was introduced as a penalty for sin. After Adam and Eve sinned animals had to die. They (Adam and Eve) were the cause of the introduction of death to animals.
Christ conquered death. Christians agree on this point. Death no longer binds people. Therefore I choose to not cause the death of any more beings on earth... as an act of redemption. I think that to no longer cause the death of animals is a step away from the Fall, and a step toward what God envisions heaven to be like. There will be no meat in heaven because there will be no more death. It's that simple.

If Christians are to be viewed as compassionate, I honestly think we need to consider a death-free diet. We have dominion over animals certainly, but I choose to use that power in a postive way. Stewardship over animals is a gift, an entrusting of God's creation into our hands. I honestly think that if we need not hurt animals, we should not.

I do not see how this gives honour to God.

:: to finish::

To say that you love eating meat is a cop-out. To say that you love cheese too much is a cop-out. To say that you live in your parents house or in rez, or have a carnivorous partner is a cop-out. I dont want to be harsh, I want to be realistic. I'm tired of hearing cop-outs.

Drop me a line here if you have questions. Here are some sites I've found helpful.

Why?
Vegan Outreach
PETA
Christian Vegetarians

How?
Physicians Commitee for Responsible Medicine
Starter kit

Recipes?
The Post Punk Kitchen
Vegan Lunchbox
Veg cooking
The Vegan Cooking School

Please consider this guys. I think we need to make responsible choices on a hungry planet. I think we need to look after the environment. I also think we need to look after God's creatures.
Cheers.

2006-08-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

oh monday. monday morning.

Hey friends. It's nine-thirty and I'm just bombing around the office. Mostly I'm waiting for Kerri. I dont actually have to be here, so if I feel ambitious I'll go for a walk. If I dont, I'll go back to bed.
A coffee may sway me in the more productive direction.

Yesterday I preached at the Peterborough Free Methodist church. They're a good bunch, and it was good to go back and hang out with them. My sermon was called "the gift and the exchange" and I talked about spiritual and physical poverty, as well as equality. I really like preaching, it's a lot of fun. There was a pretty great response, some people were crying, but I was too, so that was okay. I feel really passionate about what I speak on. Kleenex is a prerequisite.

After hanging out with the church, I went to the one and only Peterborough Folk Festival (it comes but once a year) It's my first FolkFest. I went a little crazy and bought a brown tie-die sundress. Srsly.

Then Dahn, Little Dan, Shannon and I went on an adventure! We explored the river. I went for a bit of a swim. My docks were (are) waterlogged. We found a picnic table standing in the middle of the water, so we sat on it and had a cigarette. Because what else are you going to do on a table in the middle of a river?

2006-08-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

Now--here is my secret:

I tell it to you with the openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God--that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

- Douglas Coupland, in Life After God.

2006-08-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

Look what I can do!

I made a personal best last night. Look at this puppy. There's a lot of room for improvement, but this is the real deal.
I peer-pressured Des into letting me make her a latte and boom! there it was. And because it's Des, she knew it was good! And she had a CAMERA. Therefore, photos are courtesy of the one and only Desiroar.

2006-08-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

a bees nervous system.

2006-08-17T18:04:00.000-07:00

the radio and the blog.

listen to trentradio 92.7 fm. now.
Also listen at 11. for the final installment of Francofolie... I will be talking in french, about French fires and French kissing...

Then listen at midnight. For a giant punch of yes.
(er...The New Noise, with Dahn Mirabelli)

2006-08-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

another drink and the evasive rosetta.

Well, this week is all about the ever evasive rosetta latte. I've been pouring these all week.

These lattes are the precursor to a real rosetta, which looks like this.

I am so close it hurts. My milk is a little bit dry (read: a touch foamy) and once I deal with that I think I should have this suckah DOWN son!

...

Here's another drink to order when you get to the Silverbean. I made it for Dahn. It's understated and wonderful.

Simple.
(double shot, half sweet)
- pour a half shot of sweet into a demi-tasse (hazelnut or cinnamon work wonderfully)
- pour a beautiful, crema topped double shot into the demi-tasse. Serve.

There you go kids. News on the coffee front.

2006-08-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

essayer.

ants, beavers, saints, bees,
and more than these are trying
much harder than me

2006-08-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

haaseltons. has a computer.

I am in Haaseltons. Because they have a computer. And because sometimes my girls hang out here.

I asked if the girl behind the bar could make up a drink for me. She said yes. I was pleased.
I asked for last summers hands down favourite iced drink: a four-shot of espresso over ice with a shot of vanilla topped with soymilk.

She had no idea what I meant.

I am giving instructions to the whole world via the interweb on how to make this drink.

1. take a large cup. fill with ice
2. pour vanilla syrup over ice (caramel, hazelnut, and cinnamon syrups also work wonderfully)
3. brew two double short shots of espresso and pour them over the ice
4. take soymilk. pour it over the espresso.
5. serve, it looks nice with a drizzle of chocolate or a shot of whip. Orange curls are great too if you have them on hand.

And voila. An insanely caffienated adventure in deliciousness. If you want one, come to the Silverbean when I'm working. Ask for the iced fourshot. I can even make it decaf.

2006-08-04T08:44:00.000-07:00

jesus' blood
never failed me
yet

never failed me yet
jesus' blood
never failed me yet

this one thing I know
that he loves me so.

jesus' blood never failed me yet.

2006-08-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

omg bunny.

I have just spent the last half hour looking at baby bunnies. Alone in an office. Saying AWWWWW... in a rising crescendo... do the same, go here. (thanks for the link dahn... I'm wasting my life)
however I need you all to know that in my journey of bunnies and kitties...
this has been the greatest eleven minutes of my life.

(how much can they carry??)

2006-07-28T06:03:00.000-07:00

underslept.

All nighters should be followed by long sleeps. Not short ones... they're teasers.
God is TEASING me... like he teased Moses in the desert!

- God tested Moses in the desert.

- oh.

Moving right along. I tso finished my sessay! I'm sort of dissapointed with it, I ran out of time at the end. We'll see how it goes. Frig I hope I pass this class. Zsuzsa abounds in the fall.

We're strategically planning at the Bridge today. I don't know what that's going to be like, except that I'm working a long day to make up for yesterdays Essay Day. Strategically planning eh...? I wonder if they'll show me the nuclear button in the broom closet.

okay. happy friday guys.

2006-07-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

thursdays are my favourite.

It's 9:22 and I'm sitting in the office. I am going to make a list for you as to why Thursdays are my favourite.

- work. - I'm up at eight thirty and at the office for nine. Usually I plan stuff or I go downtown to meet up with kids. General rowdiness at the office is standard. Interns rule.
- class. - I've had Zsuzsa's class every Tuesday and Thursday all summer. Today is actually the last class. I'm leaving work early so that I can get the reading done. I just dont want to show up for my last class unprepared. I'll finish today, write an essay and then have a month before having Zsuzsa for three classes a week.

radio... a whole new heading.
Thursday at Trent Radio... 92.7fm
- The dead air show. - I love the dead air project. It's at five thirty. Participate.
- The hour of Chuckles. - Also a brilliant bit of fun, involving a genius cast of characters... Jake, baby Rae and Skye (who loves starwars). (6:00 pm)
- supper! - I get to cook on Thursdays and take food to the radio. It's my favourite because I really rarely get to cook for my friends.
- The Underground Express.- Oh Andrew... you are the greatest (8:00 pm)
- Francofolie! Revolution a la radio! Avec moi! (11:00 pm)
- The New Noise. Dahn's show is pretty much my favourite animal. Has been for awhile. (midnight to two-ish)

- I also just like being at Trent Radio. It's a great space to hang out in. There's food, really cool people and noises. What more could a girl ask for? Really?

This is the play by play of why Thursday is my favourite. Join me next week for "Why tuesday is the best!"

2006-07-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

I'll sing with crickets.

I had a great weekend. I worked both days, but short shifts both.

Last night I went to a par-tay. It was my friend Rae Vyn's twenty fifth birthday. We had a rather enchanted sort of party in her backyard. I played music, along with Graham Kennedy. We all danced a waltz in her backyard with no shoes on.

If it was somebody elses life, I'd think it was a book.

And for my next trick, I'm eating vegan biscuits. My mum stopped by on Saturday with vegan biscuits. It's really sweet. She marks them with a 'V'. I had twelve, now I have ten. I don't think these biscuits stand a chance.

I'm feeling a little nonsensical. I hope you do too.

2006-07-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

New Noise.
This is my version of the New Noise. I like it.
Little Dan is an awesome face. So is Dahn.
Listen to the show. Right here.

2006-07-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

hello, operator?

In absence of one Dahn of the New Noise or one Andrew of the Underground Express I am operating for a couple of hours at the great Trent Radio. Hurrah! I love the radio eversomuch.

So, I am in charge of what is being broadcasted. I am not in charge of what you hear. If you choose to hear, you can listen at 92.7 fm.

I've got Francofolie going on at 11:00, and I think I might fill in for Dahn and do the New Noise tonight at midnight, or not. Jury's out. Wait and see what happens.

So far, I've had one hiccup... Radio Free Peterborough died somehow. I don't think I killed it, but I might have. Soooo, I switched the feed and I'm doing my own Radio Free Peterborough until five. I've decided that we're listening to James Plouffe and Full Metal Booty.

Because I said so!

edit 5:49 - second hiccup... Dead Air. I missed two calls before I figured out the phone. Winamp froze... leaving me with a minute of rather ironic dead air. I flipped the mic on and said "This is dead air, to fill up the dead air..." It unfroze shortly after, but I'd left a mic on. So I was unknowningly broadcasting a chat I was having with Jake for three minutes before I realized it.
Maybe it'll sound like a phonecall. I doubt it. In summary, the first ten minutes was rough... then it was super.

edit 7:37 - I listened to the second hiccup. (slightly past the halfway mark of that hour)
Andrew thought it was so funny that he spat out his coke.
At the end of the three minutes of Jake banter, Carol (Dahn's mom) walks into the studio with a fruit salad, then says "He's not here!? There's no one to eat this!" and scampers out, with me yelling into the microphone "I CAN EAT IT!" then I see the 'mic on' light and cuss under my breath.
I'm still allowed to exist. Andrew says so.

2006-07-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

yes zsuzsa, please drive me downtown.

zsuzsa just drove me, dahn and oz home after class.

zsuzsaaaa! zsuzsaaaa! zsuzsaaaa! nananananananananaanananananananananaa!

2006-07-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

I have sushi at my staff meetings.

I'm just chilling a little after a staff meeting. Thinking of pancakes and sleep and a song I'm finalizing. Leviathan-the-cat slept in my bed again last night. I can't help but think that he's plotting something...
Last night was radio night. My show was just a long list of Charles Trenet songs... I'm such a sucker for french Lounge. That and I want to be Josephine Baker's disciple.
That, and Dahn's show was excellent. Listen to it here, and here.

Of late, I've been loving Jesus more. For his part, he's loved me the same the whole time.