green with.

I'm sitting at my computer, debating on whether I should go out or stay here and sleep. If I go out I shop. If I stay here I sleep.

I could stand to do both. I got a bit of Christmas money that I could quite practically spend on food and clothing, maybe a new book. Mmmm. Food.

Who am I kidding, I did little other than eat between the twenty fourth and the twenty eighth, I'm looking forward to eating a little normal food. Like a roti and a cappuccino maybe.

Oh cappuccino. If I go to work I imagine that I'll see Steve looking like a marooned sailor who just saw his lifeboat. Maybe this is self-aggrandising, but the poor guy has worked three days of doubles. I owe him one.

Dahn and Jesse are off to Toronto to visit Z/s. I am working. Tant pis.

On the other hand my brother got me a big black apron for Christmas, which has my name stitched into it, and the words "Queen Barista" stitched in beneath that. It's pretty cute. I'm looking forward to wearing this lovely apron to work tonight.

It's decided. I'm going out. I think I only feel tired because I fell asleep in my chair last night. Chair does not equal Bed. But I should be okay to seize the day here.
Much loves.

out of town

this is a quick post.

My cousins are everywhere. It's one in the morning. No one is going to bed. I've had too much wine and too many cigarettes.

I love my family. They are so much. So much.

I am typing on my (brand new!) laptop. My computer whiz uncle got it set up for me. The screen is the size of Missouri.

My cousins are making various flash animations of stick people getting violently maimed. My parents, aunts and uncles and my sister are drinking in the kitchen. My brother is playing guitar hero with another cousin.

I will post more later. I will.
Strangely, I miss you.

sweet like toothache pain.

I had the day off. I spent it slothfully. I wasn't dressed until ten to five. I finished a book. I went to dinner. I popped into work and made a few lattes for fun.

I moved my floor fan into my cloffice. I keep thinking it's a person. A lot. This conversation keeps happening:

Me: "Aaaaaaah!"
Fan: " ..."

Twenty minutes later

Me: "Auuugh!"
Fan: "..."


And so on. Rinse Repeat. You get it. I get scared by inanimate objects so easily.
I am really awake right now. Normally at eleven thirty these days I'm seriously on the wind down. This isn't the summer. I am not superman. If I'm at work at seven twenty, I want to be in bed shortly after midnight. Thankfully I work the evening shift tomorrow. So I have a little buffer for my sloth-induced wakefulness.

What have I been thinking about?

Hearts and heartbreak. The heart as an organ. The heart as an emotional and spiritual site. Heartbeats as sound.

I've been thinking a lot about running away. I guess I always get swept up in ideas of escape and adventure (I was the kid who wanted to join the circus). Lately I think I'll just buy a vespa, wait till the snow melts and just screw off somewhere. This is unlikely. I like my life here. I feel a responsibility to the community I've made myself a part of.

Jesus. I miss the man. I have to find a way to make him part of my life again. I just don't really know how to do it in a genuine way. I resent the term backsliding. It's an infantile term. I dont think I've backslidden. I think God and I have hit a period of silence in an ongoing relationship. I would like to have words between us again.

the parade. the lattes. the tired bones.

There's a parade going on outside my window. Again.
I'm wondering if I should start selling tickets to sit in my window. It's minus twelve outside. Cold enough so that the kids are yelling "TOO COLD! TOO COLD MUMMAAAY!".

I'm tempted to jaunt back over to work to see if they need me. I suspect that if I go they'll need me, and if I don't they'll live without me. They've got a capable crew on deck.

My apartment is quiet and clean. I've been appreciating this a lot this week. I cleaned on Monday. I've been washing every fork and plate and chopstick I dirty, for fear that if I let two forks accumulate, they'll have forkbabies in my sink and I'll have a sink full of dirty dishes the next time I turn around.

I am vigilant!