.boxing day.

I just passed what could be described as one of the most normal boxing day/christmas's that the Culkeen clan has ever celebrated. Hung out with my little cousins, man those kids get cooler every year. The festivities were at my uncle Pat's house, big enough, but renting a hall is a much less cramped way to do things I find.

I got some decent presents, which at face value sounds stupid, but it meant a lot to me.
I realized a couple of days ago that I've sort of come to dread the gift part of the clan celebration. Over the past few years many of the gifts we've recieved have been ridiculous, I mean, not involving thought and not showing any knowledge of my likes/dislikes/tastes/AGE, etc. I'd rather not get presents at all. At least then I wouldn't have a tangible reminder that many of my relatives don't know me all that well... I also wouldn't have this nagging dread that they don't care enough to find out what I'd actually enjoy for christmas ... but like I said, I got good, thoughtful, likable and mostly practical gifts from the extended fam this year.

Practical is a bit of a novelty. I actually NEED stuff this year. The fam has provided. Mainly with at LEAST sixty dollars worth of calling cards from assorted aunts and uncles, (rob will be so pleased) as well as lots of care package type stuff, waaaaay too much tea (laura will be so pleased) and lots of emergency chocolate (the lifehouse will be pleased indeed).

what fun.

So I'm chilling in the big smoke with Aunt Terry and the fam until tuesday. Then it's back to the patch until sunday morning. I miss Vancouver and the lifeteamers... sigh, I fear that I am a soul who is doomed to be homesick no matter where I am even if it is 'home'.

It reminds me of the little prince's fox...

home for the holidays.

Yep. I flew in on Saturday and am currently a resident of Peterborough, Ontario for the next two weeks. As of now I am snowed in. Laura would love it. It's been freezing rain for about five or six hours at least, we're expecting like, twenty centimetres of snow before tonight when we're expecting a 'deep freeze' that will freeze the whole lot. The ploughs can't keep up, and apparently you can skate right down George street.

I missed Ontario.

Spent the past few days meeting up with friends, and really have met up with most of them at least once. Notable exceptions are Stargirl and Jon, Rae, Noah and Daniel... but it doesn't look like I'll see any of them today. That's really okay with me to be quite honest, I haven't hung out with my family all that much since I got back. I could really use some time to just read, watch my mom smoke cigarettes, play sega with my brother, watch french films with shannon, sit with my dad... you know, that stuff that just doesn't happen when you live on the other end of the country.

shout outs to those who I've caught up with already... brian, chris, tom, elyse, mike, chris vyn, dave, raponi, matt kay, word up to friends....

Merry Christmas folks.

presents 

On the ownership of winegums...

So I just got back home from a late night Tim Hortons run. The purpose of said run was to pick up one of those little Timmies gift certificates for a Lifehouse gift exchange tomorrow. After two rather unsuccessful stops at Whatcom and Sumas tim Hortons respectively, I gave up and came home only to find that my world had collapsed into a stagnant heap of frustration.

Somebody had opened my box of winegums.

It's an unspoken rule folks, you don't open the package if it's not yours and you never eat the last of anything. I walked onto the scene to find both of my roommates/potential suspects sleeping and my package of winegums (to be used as a GIFT) ripped open and obviously pilfered from. Anger consumed my being.

Before I could begin tearing my sisters in christ/suspects limb from limb I remembered some stuff that the Lifeteamers had been studying about. Poetic stuff like 'the essential is invisible' and 'what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal'. Then I remembered something about us not really 'owning' anything because God owned everything. My anger lessened slightly as I felt a twinge of conviction... these aren't MY winegums that have been nicked... these are GOD'S winegums!

Having discovered a mantra, I started to say quietly 'These are God's winegums... These are God's winegums...' over and over, my angst dissipating slightly with each repetition.
Lost in my own thoughts as I repeated this phrase I moved into a bit of a crescendo. 'These are God's winegums... These are GOD's winegums!...' adding emphasis into each word. In the middle of another rousing repetition I looked up long enough to see Laura, my housemate, standing in my doorway staring at me with her mouth open.

Great... Just when I thought that everyone here was under the impression that I was sane...

chapter four: wherein our heroine sleeps until the midafternoon and ponders brokenness.

yeah, it's quarter after two on a placment day and I just woke up. These things happen. Currently, I'm trying to figure out exactly what I'm doing for placement tonight. If all goes well it's looking like I'm going to Cats, to see three of my girls singing in... catsuits...

If that is truly the case, I think I need to shower and be ready within the next ten minutes or so.
I haven't called home in a couple of weeks, that's a bit of a first actually. Usually I call every weekend like clockwork. My dad dropped me a random email from work to see if I was okay.

The answer to that particular question is yes, I am okay. Community life grows more difficult than it was at the beginning. We act like brothers and sisters mostly, with all the negatives and positives that entails. I'm loving it, but it's a stretching sort of experience. I'm learning more about myself than I ever would have wished to know. It's not a bad thing at it's core, it just deeply and painfully affirms my need for Christ.

This past monday was my 'spirit birthday'. It's been three years since I prayed and asked Christ to take my life. I think I am starting to see the beauty in journeys. Mine has been incredible in how far I've come, it astounds me how much further I have to go. These things fill me with joy.

Monday afternoon I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor of an east hastings mission.
Monday night I was on my hands and knees in prayer.