good morning.

yeah, I've overslept. tomorrow night I think I'm sleeping at Andrew's house. I'll get up early then. Get into my summer way of life.

I need to also get my housing situation in the fall worked out. Trying to track down a semi homeless future roomate is a pain in the ass... and Desiree found a place with two middle aged vegan hippies that is right downtown that sounds incredible. Ick... I am torn.

Anyway, the details of apartment searching are interesting and annoying. I think I just want to find a place with some lovely hippies and be done with it. that being said, my summer housing situation is just as screwy, only far more immediate. Tomorrow I go there... and I've got to find a place, a job and transport. pass the tylenol.

Alright, a coffee and a shower and I'll feel right as rain. it's raining right now as a matter of fact... the soundtrack is Coldplay, the coffee is fair trade.

.from such great heights

I left the Lifehouse about three hours ago.

I'm actually feeling lonely. I have no home and no ride.

I've had my first legal beer though... I guess that's gotta count for something. I didn't even really want it. But hey, we were there and we had one together. Cheers.

Graduation yesterday was incredible. I got to sing... so I closed my eyes and played... and you know, it went well. I like to sing.

My mom came and suprised me. I was truly delighted. she gave me a chocolate bunny. I got many kisses.

I'm sorry for the rambling. really I am. I just am not quite sure what to do with myself. I don't really think I actually anticipated or prepared myself to leave Lifeteams... eight and a half months sounds like such a vast expanse of time when you say it... and I guess I just didn't think it would end. I'm not depressed about it. But there's a little pit that's settled into my stomach that I have a supicion will stay there for a few days... a temporary resident I guess...

Maybe I'll watch Garden state... it feels appropriate... or read a douglas coupland book (no... they're packed to ontario...) write a short story or a poem with a yearning tone... or maybe pray for rain... I'd like it if God made it rain for me today.

I am a little speck, you are a little speck... so let's not look out into the sky...

I graduate from Lifeteams tomorrow afternoon. I leave the house on Sunday morning.

What mixed feelings are embedded in my heart. I AM excited for the future, summer on Saltspring, having an income, staying at Andrew's place... then the fall back in Ontario, for Trent and a new house with five roomates (thom and desiree being noteworthy examples) in true Trent student style. I have a lot to look forward to.

But I'm pretty sure I'll miss Lifeteams intensely, at least for awhile. I mean, no more Rob and Iona, no more crazy GVYFC crew, no more Lifehouse... and no more Lifeteams community as we've known it. Yet the whole lifeteams experience is about furthering me and mobilizing me... not paralyzing me with nostalgia.

I'm not really one to be paralyzed though... so onwards! nobody is home! I have a pile of laundry to do, a house to clean and coffee to drink! To my second last night of the best experience of my life! To life undiluted! Cheers!

packing.

Packing is lame. I'm currently putting my library of books in banana boxes.

Banana boxes are equally lame.

It's a fairly involved process, packing out of the Lifehouse. There's sizeable amounts of laundry to be done, plus the house needs to be scrubbed. We are essentially making the house blank again. It will no longer be our house, it'll just be ready to be next years house. It's all a little sad really, I think the bunch of us should stand out in the rain and listen to emo. Such is our angst.

Eight and a half months in this house and I feel like I've REALLY lived here... my books are everywhere, I have art on the walls, my coffeemug is in the cupboard... you get the idea. Packing feels a lot more like moving than anything else.

It's also to finally get around to finishing our outstanding papers and assignments. Yuck. I decided to make a party out of it for the lifeteamers and bought a dozen Boylans sodas for the occasion. Cheers.


Hung out with some lifeteams alumni today too. It's wierd how easy the alumni are to connect with... it's like a club... we should have a handshake... or a password... or something.

the Juan de Fuca and other trails.

the hike was, in short, amazing. I got mud caked on me, I saw yet another bear, I prayed for faux 'kids', walked over 20km of west coast trail, drank from streams, ate mussels from a beach, climbed a rock wall with the tide coming in and had an all around great time.

I am sore.

I am quite euphoric about it all really. I can't believe that I had such a good time, even the HIKING wasn't bad. I kept getting runners highs and feeling like I could hike forever. Plus trail mix is good.... reeeal good.

I am suddenly stupidly happy for all the hillwalks. I'm going to keep doing it too, I got out of the van at the bottom of the hill when we got home today. (try walking the flippin hill after already walking seven km in the day... it was more of a crawl)

I love the Lifeteamers. I love that they were all so friggin supportive and encouraging. I love that they carried my share of the equipment without complaining, I love that they celebrated my victories as joyously (or more joyously even) than I did. I love how they told me where I could step and gave me gatorade when I looked tired. I love how they took my hand to help me up the hard parts. There's something about all this that smacks of life the way God intended it to be. Thanks to the Lifeteamers, as well as Rob, Ange, Brian and Andy... it was a blast.

I WILL try to post a pic or two. really I will. later folks. much love.

she kills time like a blackfly baby.

today was a day of killing time in North Vancouver. My highschool days turned killing time into an art. I used to stay downtown for hours in order to get to evening activities without causing more rides from ennismore than necessary. I am the master of cafe loitering, window shopping, park bench reading and people watching.

Today I did a little of all that in a six hour time waste on the northshore. Blissful really. I bought a new book... 'Ground Works' (subtitle is 'avant-garde for thee') an anthology of experimental canadian literature from 1965 to 1985. I love stuff like this, starving writers who know the english language well enough to play with it, who know the rules well enough to break them with shocking beauty.

Such creative intimacy with words is almost too much for me. I spent the afternoon on a park bench dreaming of being a starving writer who could masterfully play with language.

I also bought a black memo book to write in... perhaps this is the beginning of a career in starving authorship.

Truly I don't think that God ever wanted me to make a ton of cash, nothing that intrigues me these days is very lucrative. I wouldn't make a good rich person anyway, I'd blow it all on a books and skittles. Okay... mostly skittles.


Peace out. I'll post tomorrow night after I get home from North Van.

my head fell off and rolled away... now I can't see to find it.

I had a great day in class... Andy Harrington spoke in the morning about life after Lifeteams... it was wonderful and inspiring. Then in the afternoon we had a great class about how to supervise volunteers. Today I made bread that turned out wonderfully and gave Josh his birthday present, a cigar that he really seemed to like.

So why do I feel like my kitten just got run over by a mac truck?

Lately I've noticed that I'm fleeing responsibility as fast as I can. I'm procrastinating, skipping important phonecalls, worrying and not getting anything of importance done.
I think I'm having a Neverland moment, where I want to go to university without the responsibility of having to call OSAP, I want scholarships without having to write essays, I want Lifeteams without assignments and community without effort. I'm doing that teenager act where I want the benefits without the responsibility... I swear sometimes I trick myself into thinking that I'm pretty independent... pretty responsible for a nineteen year old scrap.


I don't think I'm very grown up at all really. Grown ups don't shit their pants over having to get the dirty work done. They don't whine in a blog about it either.

later guys.